He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
pop tarts are not kleenex
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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