R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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