so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
