five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
please come you make the beer taste better
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize