Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize