What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
