just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I want a musical about memes.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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