I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
