Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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