if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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