We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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