Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
