I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
