I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
