accomplished twins. life is a go
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just high enough for therapy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
