I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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