It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
