I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
