Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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