Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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