he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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