Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
