OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
