Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
