just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
