I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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