Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
