you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
