vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
