Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
