i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
