You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
