I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
