let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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