Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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