i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
