so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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