i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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