youre lurking in front of me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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