I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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