WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
