I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
