if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
