if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
