dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
