i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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