Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
