i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
