Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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