I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
not ubering you a puppy
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
