Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
