If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
