Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
