We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
