oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
