The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
then he tried to convert me to islam
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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