why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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