The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
