therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize