We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
