Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
