so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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