Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
