My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
