I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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